Midterm

One midterm down, I don't even know how many to go. I had my Holocaust class's midterm today which consisted of writing two essays. It was fun let me tell you. I thought my hand was gonna fall off since we had to fill up all 12 pages of the blue book with information. I hope I did well. I feel like my essays were strong however on the directions in bold print was DONT BRING OUTSIDE SOURCES into the essay. Ok, I have a problem with that since I can't remember what was actually in the chapters that I had to write about and what I remember from lecture and from research I did for fun. (Yea I'm a loser and looked up tons of websites on the Holocaust for fun). Oh well, I guess I can't worry about it now since it is already over with.

Then it was off to calc class where I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I have lost all faith in my ability to do calc since that disaster of a midterm I had where the average was a 30...out of 100. I still don't know what I got nor do I really want to know cuz I know it sucked. So now I feel like I am mentally incapable of doing calc so derivatives and anti-derivatives and the such just won't make sense since I now hate math and my brain has decided to block out my ability to learn it. I have come to the conclusion that it is a defense mechanism, my brain doesn't want to feel dumb anymore so it just stops me from being able to absorb the material in the first place. I be bad at it if I never really remember learning it in the first place right? yea, I'm messed up.

....Stupid limits and derivatives. Why must you mock my stupidity?

Any one want to help me learn this stuff?