Fight Cancer

I made a Cancer Advocacy Site through the American Cancer Society. Please go to the link and sign the petition as well as sending emails to your local politicians on important issues regarding cancer research and funding. If you are even more generous you can even donate....the donations don't go to me, they go to the American Cancer Society.

http://www.acscan.org/advocate/nhorn

That's the link! Go to it please and raise awareness and get involved in politics for once. Stop whining about whats wrong in government and actually do something for a change even if it is just an email. Even Senator Barack Obama says that emails and letters make a difference. Don't believe me? He urges you to do so here in his interview with Oprah.

Barack for president in 2008! (sorry, I like this guy a lot!)

Innovations/Individuals

Any one interested on my opinions on the role of innovations and individuals? Probably not but if you are, here's my response paper for my writing class:
Response Paper

The paper is on Richard Lewontin's essay "Science as Social Action"
and Jared Diamond's excerpt "Necessity's Mother" (From Guns, Germs, and Steel). You should check out the essays if you want. Unfortunately I couldn't find any links to a text online, but if anyone does please let me know!

They are very interesting. Diamond's essay is on how technology affects society and the myth of the Heroic Theory of Invention. Lewontin's essay is on how Charles Darwin is wrong, we are separate from the environment and the environment doesn't change us we change the environment. Very interesting to think about.

VH1

Today was spent watching tv a majority of the day since Gary and I weren't feeling too well. VH1 happened to be our channel of choice. And yay! It was a marathon of Flavor of Love Season 2! And I finally got to see who Flava Flav chose: was it Deelishis or New York? THANK GOD it was Deelishis. New York was the most obnoxious person I have ever seen in my life. I don't even want to talk about her because she makes me "intellectually puke" - quote from Gary.

Next on the VH1 was Celebrity Paranormal. A show where B-list celebs are told how to track ghosts. get outfitted in ghost finding gear and go to haunted places. Whether or not you believe in this stuff I think haunted and abandoned places are so cool and interesting. The place they went to was the Waverly Hills Sanatorium in Louisville, Kentucky. Very interesting history this place has: over 63,000 patients died here of Tuberculosis.
Here's some links:
http://www.prairieghosts.com/waverly_tb.html
http://whsmemorial.tripod.com/
http://www.horrorchannel.com/index.php?name=Sections&req=viewarticle&artid=284&page=1

This reminds me of a creepy abandoned psychiatric hospital in Kings Park:
Here are some links about the Kings Park Psychiatric Center:
http://www.opacity.us/site3_kings_park_psychiatric_center.htmhttp://www.opacity.us/site3_kings_park_psychiatric_center.htm
http://www.lioddities.com/Asylums/Kings_Park/history.htm

Pictures

Here are a few interesting things I came across today on clipmarks.com


I don't really see the point of floating babies by their necks in water.

Go to http://www.treehugger.com/files/doom_1.php to see a time line of what would happen if all the human's disappeared from earth.



Haha I saw this and burst out laughing! This is hilarious. Poor newscaster. He looks like a rapist!

Do you have any funny links/picks? Post them in the comments!

Brain Shivers

Today was not fun. I wasn't sure if I should post this since it was pretty personal but I figured hey maybe it might help someone so why not.

I used to take Effexor XR for depression. Last month I decided to come off of it to switch to another one since I didn't feel like it was working anymore. This has been the worst month ever. I have felt so sick all month. The last three days have been the worst, with today being the penultimate because they were the first days with no Effexor in my body at all. Apparently in some people Effexor causes really bad withdrawal symptoms and lucky me, I happen to be one of those. Not only has it messed with my mood making me practically bipolar (even though I'm not), it has increased my ADD, I have been incredibly irritable, and not to mention the physical side effects: nausea, extreme fatigue, headaches, brain shivers, and not being able to think clearly: I practically sound like I am blazed. I was not able to be comprehended all day. I made no sense when I was talking to people. I couldn't stay awake, I kept falling asleep without wanting to. This is really scary. I decided to skip school altogether because it was really scary. I don't like that this medicine is doing this to my body. The brain shivers are even scarier. If I straighten my head to fast or look up too quickly I get this out of body experience where it feels like I'm being electrocuted. It feels like my brain bounces back and forth. And for those few seconds I am unreachable. Here's another person's description of this really scary experience.

Here's some more info on withdrawal from Effexor.
Now of course not everyone will have the same response to stopping this medicine but I did. It is really scary. You feel like something is wrong with your brain. You feel like something is going to be permanently wrong with you and you will be taking medicine forever. Now I don't mind so much dealing with these horrible symptoms because being depressed is way worse than this. I am willing to suffer in order to feel better mentally. Yet it sucks that these symptoms get in the way of my life.

If you can, please click on this text and sign this petition
the petition is trying to get Effexor's manufacturer Wyeth-Amherst to acknowledge that there are severe withdrawal symptoms and to stop misleadingly advertising the medication. Currently they do not say there are any side effects while millions of people who have taken the medicine complain of severe withdrawal symptoms. This drug company should not be able to sell a medication without telling people about these side effects!

Freud eat your heart out

I woke up from my nap today all hot and sweaty. Not from something sick (you pervs), but because of a bad dream.

I was dreaming that me and my brother were in my bedroom at night looking out my window out to the back patio. We hear a boom and see a huge rush of flames and realize that oh crap my dad has lit himself on fire. He doesn't even cry or flail around. He just stands there with huge blue flames engulfing his body. He looked like a giant Bunsen burner. And all I do is stand from my bedroom window and yell that any idiot should know to stop drop and roll when they get lit on fire. That's all I do while my brother is outside trying to put my dad's fire out with what looks like a mini water gun until he realizes there is a hose outside. I run inside to tell my mom what has happened and she says something that makes it seem like my dad set himself on fire on purpose. I am freaking out crying hysterically (still in a dream of course), and I am trying to call friends and people and no one cares. The fire truck and ambulance comes and there are so many people there for some reason however all they are worried about is putting out the flames in my backyard. This makes me cry harder because they don't care about my dad and the possibility that he could have tried to commit suicide. For some reason my dad's brother and his family are there and so are my dad's dad and step mom and they are all laughing and joking about it like it was funny and a joke. I am so disturbed by their reaction. That is not how you deal with a situation like this.

What wakes me up is the sound of footsteps in my room. I swear I heard footsteps in my room even though no one is supposed to be home today except me. But for some reason, probably because I am half asleep, I'm like yea whatever. But I can't fall asleep cuz my brain kicks in a goes if those were really footsteps, you aren't alone in the house and you should be. When I go to get out of bed I hear my front door slam. I go downstairs. There are no cars outside, no evidence of anyone coming inside, no bags, no backpacks from my brother (if he walked home early), nothing. So now I am freaked out. I think I am going nuts.

This really freaks me out though. Because not only do I dream that my dad has almost killed himself but I hear footsteps and the door slam to an invisible intruder. There must be a logical and rational explanation. All I know is Freud would be having a field day. Any of you budding dream analyzers wanna take a stab at my dream be my guest. This has been my second dream about my dad dying/almost dying in like two weeks.

No sympathy

I have no sympathy for certain people. Today my lack of sympathy extends to drug addicts. Yes, I know they have problems and it is a medical condition. I am not denying this. I don't have sympathy for those who know they have a problem, have received help, and then revert back to their drug addled ways.

Reason 1: My uncle. Apparently he has had a problem with drugs his whole life. I cannot attest to this since he is in his 50s and I am only 19. I do know for a fact though that he did have a little incident with drug abuse when I was twelve and my grandmother who was living with us kept giving him money to "help" him. This makes me sad. She was a widow and had like no money and here my uncle is saying he is going to take the money and get better and what does he do? He buys drugs...nice one. I'm pretty sure he sold her engagement ring too for drugs....or her wedding ring, I'm not sure which one. I remember very clearly my mom screaming at my uncle telling him she never wanted him to come to my house again.

That didn't last because he did come to my house but not until he got sober. I'm sure he fell off the wagon some time between then and now but he has really gone off the deep end. So much so that now he is living on the streets. We tried to help, we got him arrested so that he would be forced to go into rehab. He went to two different rehabs. That didn't help. So now he is back on heroin and crack and whatever else he is on, he has no money, he is living in his truck, and he is apparently being chased by his drug dealers because he owes them money. I really don't have sympathy for him. He has been sober. He has resisted urges before. And now he can't all of a sudden? Sorry I know I probably can't understand because I'm not a drug addict myself. I have no sympathy for him because he is ruining his 10 year old daughter's life. He is ruining our whole families life because we are all afraid he is going to come over and ask for money or a place to stay while he is all cracked out (which is quite scary let me tell you). He already has stayed at my aunt's shed which has led to many family jokes of the "half way shed" instead of the halfway house, and the crack shed instead of the crack house. We are sick. But hey humour helps when you are hurting and scared.

Reason 2: My aunt, yes my family has problems. She too has battled drug addiction and alcoholism her entire life. Well she now is dying because her liver is failing. She looks terrible. She doesn't even make sense when she talks because of all the effects these drugs have had on her. And you know what? I kind of don't feel bad for her that this is what is happening. She has done this to herself. I think she feels the same way too.

Sorry if you think I am mean and insensitive. But when you have been surrounded by this your whole life (thankfully it wasn't my parents that had the drug problems) you come to be a little cold on the subject.

Working :(

Today was my first day at work in over a month. It was very depressing to go back. The only cool thing was that Tamara was back at work. I haven't seen her since she had her baby two months ago. I missed her a lot while she was gone. It was her first week back too and already she is being surrounded by the drama of my workplace.

It's so sad. I love my job so much. I am a medical assistant and secretary for a Dermatologist's office in case you didn't know. I just hate the trash I work with (except for Tamara). It really degrades us to work with certain people there. If it weren't for the money I don't think I would be there. I need a weekend! Thankfully I only work there on Saturdays. But still, its a waste of my life. They don't even pay well. I work for the most retarded department in our medical group and all of the other departments hate us and look down to us and make fun of us because the people in our department are stingy, cheap, annoying, don't care about anyone but themselves, don't do any work, and are just generally complainers. Thankfully I am one of the few they like.

QWERTY

I learned something new yesterday about the modern keyboard while reading an essay for Writing 102. The essay was "Necessity's Mother" by Jared Diamond, the guy who wrote Guns, Germs, and Steel. Here's the quote from the essay:

"Still another factor is compatibility with vested interests. This book, like probably every other typed document you have ever read was typed with a QWERTY keyboard, named for the left-most six letters in its upper row. Unbelievable as it may now sound, that keyboard layout was designed in 1873 as a feat of anti-engineering. It employs a whole series of perverse tricks designed to force typists to type as slowly as possible, such as scattering the common most letters over all keyboard rows and concentrating them on the left hand (where right-handed people have to use their weaker hand). The reason behind all of those seemingly counterproductive features is that the typewriters of 1873 jammed if adjacent keys were struck in quick secession, so that manufacturers had to slow down typists. When improvements in typewriters eliminated the problem of jamming, trials in 1932 with an efficiently laid-out keyboard showed that it would let us double our typing speed and reduce our typing effort by 95 percent. But QWERTY keyboards were solidly entrenched by then. The vested interest of hundreds of millions of QWERTY typists, typing teachers, typewriter, and computer sales people, and manufacturers have crushed all moves toward keyboard efficiency for over 60 years."

I read this and I think hmmm, i always thought I was pretty fast at typing without looking down at the keys, but you are saying I can type faster with a better keyboard? And why would we not want a faster more efficient way of getting things done? Didn't make sense at first until I realized, oh wait, people don't like to change! So all of those people who refused to change how they typed because they were already too set in their ways to even comprehend wanting to try a new keyboard have screwed us all over. Thanks a lot. Seems like this happens a lot when people don't want to change because it takes too much effort, but I don't need to go into my political views on how religion in politics is way outdated.

By the way: the keyboard thing was not the main point of the essay. The essay was about how inventions come about and how the Heroic Theory of Invention is a myth.

----
I have come to realize that I really enjoy my writing class. Not just because I do enjoy to write (I have a journal of poems I have written) but because I like the essays that my professor has us read. They make me question life and the way I perceive things. Yea at the time it may seem that I am being influenced by the authors' opinions at the time I read them. However as I read more and more I learn to sort out what I really feel about things. I'm a slow reactor. I'm kind of sad that after this semester I don't have to take writing anymore. I really enjoy it. And I know, if I enjoy it I should take more classes, yet I just don't have the space for it. I have so many requirements to fulfill in order to get my degree and apply to med school, none of which require anything above this writing class. It's sad. I'm also worried that I may get put in a class I really don't like.

For example first semester of freshman year I was in a really slow and basic writing class. I was placed here and I felt so out of place. I always knew the answers and was willing to talk yet no one else was. It was like talking to a wall. The teacher would ask an analysis question and I would be the only one raising my hand. I started to not raise my hand because I felt like maybe I was intimidating the other people in the class, many of which really did not do so well in the class because English wasn't their first language.

It got to the point where the teacher told me to stop raising my hand all the time and let other people answer. This made me mad. Since when am I not allowed to raise my hand in class? No one else was talking so why can't I? It isn't my fault that they didn't want to discuss the readings and connect things like I love to do and like she was looking for them to do. It pissed me off because normally I never raise my hand in a class and here I am raising my hand and I am told not to. What?! I never had the same respect for the teacher after then. She knew I was more advanced than the other people in the class and she told me that (I'm not trying to brag). But why can't I talk out loud? I was trying to spark conversation with what I said, hoping someone would disagree with me. It didn't work.

So I'm afraid of that happening again because it would just be a waste of my time. Plus I really like how my professor this semester has us read essays and makes us connect them, first with discussions, then feeder assignments, and then an essay. I think it's cool. It also is cool how some people in the class actually discuss and sort of debate. It's way more interesting and it is also a much better learning experience, at least for me.

Wow, I wrote a lot and I'm sure if anyone reads this in the first place they probably didn't read the whole thing. Well, I'm gonna try to take a nap since I haven't been able to sleep all week.

Midterm

One midterm down, I don't even know how many to go. I had my Holocaust class's midterm today which consisted of writing two essays. It was fun let me tell you. I thought my hand was gonna fall off since we had to fill up all 12 pages of the blue book with information. I hope I did well. I feel like my essays were strong however on the directions in bold print was DONT BRING OUTSIDE SOURCES into the essay. Ok, I have a problem with that since I can't remember what was actually in the chapters that I had to write about and what I remember from lecture and from research I did for fun. (Yea I'm a loser and looked up tons of websites on the Holocaust for fun). Oh well, I guess I can't worry about it now since it is already over with.

Then it was off to calc class where I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I have lost all faith in my ability to do calc since that disaster of a midterm I had where the average was a 30...out of 100. I still don't know what I got nor do I really want to know cuz I know it sucked. So now I feel like I am mentally incapable of doing calc so derivatives and anti-derivatives and the such just won't make sense since I now hate math and my brain has decided to block out my ability to learn it. I have come to the conclusion that it is a defense mechanism, my brain doesn't want to feel dumb anymore so it just stops me from being able to absorb the material in the first place. I be bad at it if I never really remember learning it in the first place right? yea, I'm messed up.

....Stupid limits and derivatives. Why must you mock my stupidity?

Any one want to help me learn this stuff?

Bad day

I think I have become a magnet for bad days. Today started off bad from the beginning
1. Had a dream about my dad dying in a car accident.
2. Couldn't wake up
3. When I did wake up I was ten minutes late to babysit.
4. Got to babysitting late.
5. Right when the bus came to pick up Alyssa, the girl I babysit for, her dog jumps on her and leaves a nice muddy paw print. Alyssa begins to cry so I tell the bus driver that she won't be taking the bus.
6. Get Alyssa to school late also because, surprise, it took us forever to get her ready again.
7. Fall asleep once I get home and have more freaky dreams.
8. Wake up with a bad headache.
9. It's a lab day!
10. Get a higher percent deviation than I am allowed to in lab, decide to take the points off instead of repeating the lab again.
11. Discover that my MERCURY filled thermometer has broken in my lab drawer. SUPER!
12. Have to wait for Nick the stockroom guy to come and clean up my supposedly hazardous mess. This whole thing costs me $8 and I get out of lab late.
13. Get yelled at by some old guy because I made too wide of a turn in my car and apparently he thought I was going to hit him. I was so not going to. He was just a dick.
14. Get home and realize oh yay I have a history midterm tomorrow and I really don't feel like studying.


RIP mercury thermometer...you were a good thermometer the one time I used you. (this really isn't my thermometer I broke, come on, do you think I take beauty shots of thermometers? No)


So that is a list of the bad things from today. Sorry to bitch! But hey, you didn't have to read it. ;)

thank you...

So today I would like to start by thanking some prominent things in my life. They are all very abundant and oh so special to me. Here they are:

1. Final Fantasy XI
Yes, thank you Final Fantasy XI for making me extremely tired today. Not only do I blame you for ruining my last semester GPA but now you have made me exhausted! Your inticing game play roped me in last night. I could not resist the temptation of partying. Oh the fun. I beleive my total game time played is up to 30 days total. You have made me waste 30 days of my life....but it is oh so worth it. You are too addicting FFXI.

So yes, I had to thank FFXI because I stayed up like all night, which to me was like one in the morning trying to level my super cool puppetmaster job. For those of you who don't know what FFXI is, sorry. That is all I have to say, sorry to you.


Doesn't this puppet's puppety charm just lure you in? Too bad my puppet looks nothing like this one. Mine's gold!


2. Giardia
For those of you who don't know what Giardia is let me explain. It is a super little protazoan parasite that is now living in my little cat Bailey's intestines making her crap blood. Oh it is wonderful. She decides to save these little fecal presents for all around the house and not in the litter box. Let me just say it makes for some great treasure hunting.

I found out today from my vet that Bailey has this Giardia stuff which is just super because they can spread to other cats and HUMANS! Lovely! This is great because who plays and pets the cats most? Who probably deals with their crap the most? Oh yea?! That would be me! Basically Giardia has a season pass to my intestines now. I swear if I get this Giardia parasite I am gonna be pissed. Mark my word.


Apparently this is what is happening to my cat. Sweet.



Yumm, don't those just look delicious?


Alien invasion of your intestines!


Here's Bailey infecting my workspace now.


She's pissed at the Giardia...Me too Bailey.

CAPA Quiz

Ok so not only do I have to finish some quiz for chem right now while I am falling asleep on the keyboard but the website that the quiz is on will not work. What?! The one time I do not finish this stupid CAPA quiz early and I get screwed. This goes to prove my point that everyone gets away with everything but when I go and do something abnormal for myself and semi-irresponsible I get caught. No not cool. Yea Internal Error. eff you Internal error. You make me fail my chem quiz!



Why does my cat choose to sleep on his scratching box? Because I suck at Chem obviously.

Invasion!

I have decided to give up and let Google take over my life. Though it sounds like it is a bad thing, it actually has made my life easier! Not only does Google store my photos, and my documents but now I will have one of their little blog things, through blogger of course.

So today I got my second draft of my analysis essay back and basically it still sucks. I had to redo it again! Yea that is what I get for writing it at 12:00 at night. So anyway I am gonna try to post in on here...don't copy it! lol. But if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear it since I am always afraid people that don't already know about the topic will have no idea what I am talking about. Please comment if you would like!

I also have to come up with a research paper topic for writing. I spoke with my professor about the topic I had originally chose but she helped me think of a new one since it was a little boring. I decided I might write about the rationing of organ transplants esp in the elderly or the quote unquote people who don't deserve them. I am experiencing this right now so I can relate. My aunt is dying and she has three months to get a liver donated. However I don't think she should get one. Yes I know I sound horrible. But what you are missing is that she was a drug abuser and alcoholic and basically wrecked her liver. Now does that sound as bad? I'd rather that liver go to someone who will take care of it.

edit: here's the link to my analysis draft. http://docs.google.com/View?docid=dcp7kg7r_19d5qg32
in the essay I am basically calling Nancy Sommers a hypocrite.